She Left Her Husband's Home, And Her Lover Asked Her To Marry Him When She Was Still Married!
Islamic Rulings -
Living Shariah Verdicts
Islamic Questions & Answers
I am a 26
years old woman. I was divorced about one week ago,
after I left my husband's home a year before; I took
my son who is two years old and stayed with my family.
In the beginning of our love marriage I lived with him
in his mother's home. His mother started to interfere
in everything in our life. He asked me to work and
support him to pay off the loan he borrowed for our
marriage. I found a job and helped him; my only
condition was to live in an independent place alone
far from his mother's continuous interference. He
promised me to do this. His mother was in control of
everything at home; my husband was unable to object to
anything otherwise she would ask him to leave. She
works as well.
I lived with my husband and tried him for two years I
found him to be another person different from who I
loved; he was just masked before marriage. He started
taking all my salary and gives me just daily expenses.
Whenever he was in need he used to ask me to sell my
gold for him, which I have done, so has he. He used to
ask me to borrow from my family, which I did, in
return he never gave me anything. I was deprived of
everything. He used to say one sentence a lot to me:
"you know our circumstances so be tolerant". He used
to hide his wallet in the car and say that I do not
have the right to what he has or what he does not
have. Problems started to get bigger and bigger, and I
kept asking him to find a separate place for us to
He has a divorced sister, she works and sleeps in her
work place which is a hotel located outside the city,
when she used to come to visit us she used to stay up
at night outside the home and returns every night
after midnight. I did not like the whole situation and
I had to tell my respectful husband: "what will the
neighbors say about this home we live in, this is
shameful" his answer was usually: "I will speak to
them" I do not like this, after all he said to me:
"these are our traditions, and I cannot leave my
mother and sister and live far from them alone" as
they are not Arabs.
I was hesitant to tell my family about my situation
because they all objected to this marriage and refused
it but I insisted on marrying him because I thought he
is moral and kind. How blind was I! I told my family
that I heard him speaking to his mother complaining
about me and she told him to beat me and to take my
son from me. Then I left him and went to my family.
Two weeks later he came to my family's home to ask why
I left home. I did not tell him that I heard anything.
And just asked him to buy us a separate place to live
alone. He agreed. We went to see the home we were
going to buy, then he changed his mind, this situation
remained for two years during which he accused me of
having a relationship with someone else, and that this
other person is spoiling my mind, this happened
because my husband saw me with a man who is a friend
of my father taking me from my work place. I found him
there by chance and my husband was standing in the
street at my work area, I asked this man to take me
home because I feared my husband might hurt me. After
this he started to defame me and give me two options,
whether to stay with him in his mother's home or to
sacrifice all my rights then he divorces me. I of
course refused and insisted on divorce, I did not want
a separate home anymore.
My husband brought two 'disobedience cases' against
me, and then I asked for divorce through the court.
The last five months I, by chance, spoke with the same
man who took me by car from work, he is 14 years older
than me. I told him about my story and what happened
with me, he stood for me and taught me about life and
people, and that there are matters one should not
stand silent for them. He told me that accepting to
marry my husband was a mistake from the beginning and
that I was mistaken when I refused to listen to my
I became attracted to him, although I know that it is
wrong. I feel guilty because I love him and he loves
me, this was not planned. We met many times, sat and
talked a lot and he asked me to marry him before I got
divorced. I wish I can accept but I am afraid of the
consequences. I fear Allah, I fear I made a mistake
when I loved another man while I am still married,
although I left my husband 15 months ago, I got
divorced about two weeks ago.
Please guide me. Am I mistaken? Is what I did haram? I
live in a conflict with myself, I am very confused. I
do not want to disobey Allah or commit sins.
Praise be to Allaah.
You have done a number of things that are clearly and
obviously contrary to sharee'ah, hence we are
surprised at the end of your letter where you say "I
do not want to anger Allaah or commit sins"! Whatever
the case, this is the bad consequences and effect of
sin, which is loss of reason and dimming of its light
that would lead to the straight path.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said,
describing the effects of sin:
Sin corrupts reason, for reason is light, and sin
inevitably extinguishes the light of reason. If its
light is extinguished it becomes weak and imperfect.
One of the salaf said: No one disobeys Allaah but his
reason is lost. This is obvious, because if his reason
was present, it would have prevented him from
committing sin when he is under the full control of
Allaah, may He be exalted, or how could he commit sin
openly when He is watching him, and he is enjoying His
blessings and His angels are bearing witness over him
and watching him, and the teachings of the Qur'aan
forbid that and the implication of faith and the
remembrance of death and the Fire should restrain him.
The good of this world and the Hereafter that he
misses out on because of sin is many times greater
than the pleasure he may get from it. Can anyone who
takes lightly all that we have mentioned above still
have sound reason?
If sins accumulate, then a seal is placed on the
sinner's heart and he becomes one of the heedless, as
one of the salaf said concerning the words of Allaah
(interpretation of the meaning): "Nay! But on their
hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds)
which they used to earn" [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14] he
said: This is sin after sin. Al-Hasan said: It is sin
upon sin, until the heart becomes blind. And someone
else said: When their sins and acts of disobedience
become many, they encircle their hearts.
The basic principle concerning that is that the heart
is corroded (lit. rusts) by sin, so if sin increases,
the corrosion prevails until it becomes raan, then it
prevails until it becomes a seal, and the heart
becomes covered and enveloped. If that happens after
he has been guided and had insight, then he will be
reversed and turned upside down. At that point his
enemy takes over and leads him wherever he wants.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man sa'ala 'an al-Dawa al-Shaafi
We are sorry to tell you that each of the sins that
you have committed led to another; they affected your
reason and your heart, and extinguished their light.
The things that you did which go against sharee'ah
The haraam relationship which you formed with your
first husband, before you married him. This is clear
from your saying that it was a love marriage, and from
your going against your family who refused to give you
in marriage to him, and now you are doing the same
thing with another man when you are still married to
the first husband!
We have explained the ruling on correspondence between
the sexes in the answer to question no. 34841, 26890
With regard to haraam relationships, please see the
answer to questions no. 1114, 9465, 21933 and 10532.
It seems that your job involves mixing with strange
men. If what we think is correct, then it is a sin. If
it is not mixed, or it is not in a haraam field such
as banking or insurance then there is no sin on you.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
There is no doubt that enabling women to mix with men
is the basis of all calamities and evils, and it is
one of the greatest causes of calamity that affects
everybody, as well as being one of the causes of
corruption in public and private affairs. Mixing of
men with women is the cause of a great deal of immoral
actions and zina, and it is one of the causes of
widespread death and ongoing plagues.
Al-Turuq al-Hukmiyyah (p. 407).
See also the answer to question no. 1200.
For information on women working and the conditions of
it being permissible, please see the answer to
question no. 22397.
In the answer to question no. 6666 there is important
advice to do with women working in a mixed
You left the marital home without your husband's
permission, and this was based on something that you
heard from his mother and his complaints to her. This
does not make it permissible for you to leave the
marital home without your husband's permission. You
have the right to a separate home with your husband,
but it seems that you waived this right when you first
married him and agreed to stay with him in his
mother's house. It would have been better for you to
work out the agreement with him when you agreed to
help him to bear his living expenses and pay off his
debt, and to oblige him to do so via the shar'i court
or good and knowledgeable people whom you appointed as
arbitrators between you. As for your actions and your
leaving without his permission, this is not
permissible. Allaah forbade women who are revocably
divorced (first or second talaaq) to leave their
houses after the divorce, so how about married women?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O Prophet (Peace And Blessings Of Allaah Be Upon
Him)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their 'Iddah
(prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their 'Iddah
(periods). And fear Allaah your Lord (O Muslims). And
turn them not out of their (husband's) homes nor shall
they (themselves) leave, except in case they are
guilty of some open illegal sexual intercourse. And
those are the set limits of Allaah. And whosoever
transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed he
has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his
wife) know not it may be that Allaah will afterward
bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return her back
to you if that was the first or second divorce)"
The worst and most reprehensible of these actions that
go against sharee'ah is your sinful relationship with
that evildoer who pretended that he was saving you
from worldly problems and presented himself in the
guise of a wise advisor, but in fact he was a wolf in
How could this evildoer agree to meet you and talk
with you, and sit with you and discuss with you, and
worst of all, he audaciously asked you to marry him
when you were still married to another man?! What is
very strange is that you yourself say that your
husband himself was presenting himself falsely as a
good man, and that you were blind when you accepted
him as a husband. Do you think that now you are able
to see? By Allaah, you are not able to see, and your
blindness with regard to your first husband was less
serious than your blindness now. You were not married
when you formed a relationship with him, but now you
are married and you have formed a haraam relationship
with that evildoer, who is not content only to come
between you and your husband, turn your heart against
him and make you hate the idea of going back to him,
rather he has added to that his request for you to
marry him when you are still married to another man.
What you have done is haraam, beyond any shadow of a
doubt. It is revolting and reprehensible even to
non-Muslims. No husband would want his wife to be in
the situation you are in. No wise person let alone a
Muslim who knows the rulings of sharee'ah would
approve of your marrying this evildoer who has shown
his true colours and evil attitude before marriage.
That will save you from going though another bitter
experience with him. Do you think that he will forget
how you betrayed your husband with him? Do you think
that he will trust you not to repeat what you did with
him? Do not hesitate to cut off all ties with him, for
it is a haraam relationship on the one hand, and on
the other hand he is not fit to be a trusted husband
when he has done such haraam, abhorrent actions.
For information on the qualities of a righteous
husband, please see the answers to questions no. 5202
We hope that your regret and taking stock of yourself
are a good sign that you have come back to the truth
and that your conscience which criticizes you for
abhorrent actions and for falling short in acts of
obedience to Allaah has come back to life.
Beware of following the footsteps of the shaytaan, for
they lead to doom. Allaah says (interpretation of the
"O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of
Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps
of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha'
[i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual
intercourse)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism
(i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to
do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been
for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one
of you would ever have been pure from sins"
Do not ignore the opportunity to regret and repent
before there comes a Day when neither dirhams nor
dinars, neither close friends nor intercessors will
benefit a man, and he will bite at his hands in
anguish, as Allaah says (interpretation of the
"And (remember) the Day when the Zaalim (wrongdoer,
oppressor, polytheist) will bite at his hands, he will
say: 'Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the
Messenger (Muhammad Peace And Blessings Of Allaah Be
28. 'Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken
so-and-so as a Khalξl (an intimate friend)!
29. 'He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this
Qur'aan) after it had come to me. And Shaytaan (Satan)
is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need'"
In order to cleanse yourself of sin and protect your
religious commitment, faith and chastity, strive to do
Pray regularly on time with proper focus and humility
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that he heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) say: "What do you think, if there was a
river by the door of one of you and he bathed in it
five times a day, would any speck of dirt be left on
him?" They said: Not a speck of dirt would be left on
him. He said: "That is the likeness of the five
prayers, by means of which Allaah erases sins."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (505) and Muslim (667).
Keeping company with righteous women who adhere to
obedience to Allaah.
It was narrated that Abu Moosa al-Ash'ari (may Allaah
be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is
that of one who carries musk and one who works the
bellows. With the carrier of musk, either he will give
you some or you will buy some from him, or you will
notice a good smell from him; as for the one who works
the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you
will notice a bad smell from him."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1995) and Muslim (2628).
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It
points to the virtue of sitting with righteous, good
and honourable people, people of good attitude,
awareness, knowledge and manners, and indicates that
it is not allowed to sit with evil people and
followers of innovation, those who backbite about
people or who are foul-mouthed and have nothing better
to do, and other blameworthy things. End quote.
Sharh Muslim, 16/178
Not listening to songs, music and haraam
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e.
music, singing) to mislead (men) from the path of
Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of
Allaah, or the Verses of the Qur'aan) by way of
mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment
(in the Hell-fire).
7. And when Our Verses (of the Qur'aan) are recited to
such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he heard
them not as if there were deafness in his ear. So
announce to him a painful torment"
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Singers and those who listen to them have a share of
blame commensurate with the degree to which they are
distracted by songs from the Qur'aan.
This is made
clear by the fact that you will not find anyone who
has an interest in songs and listening to music but he
will be somewhat misguided from the path of guidance
in terms of knowledge or action, and he is less eager
to listen to Qur'aan rather than songs, such that if
he has the opportunity to listen either to songs or to
the Qur'aan, he will turn away from the latter to the
former, and listening to Qur'aan will be burdensome
for him, and he may go so far as to tell the reciter
to be quiet and tell the singer to carry on, and never
have his fill of listening to songs.
Ighaathat al-Lahfaan (1/240, 241).
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him)
The Muslim must repent from sin and hasten to do so,
in obedience to the command of Allaah, so as to save
himself from the punishment and wrath of Allaah. It is
not permissible for him to continue in sin or to delay
repentance in order to obey his nafs (self) or the
shaytaan, or to wait until people criticize him.
Rather he must fear Allaah and not fear people. Even
if they are committing sin it is not permissible for
him to follow their example, and he must also oblige
his family to repent, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your
families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
He should not be kind to them with regard to matters
that anger Allaah.
Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Fawzaan (2/p. 293).
And Allaah knows best.